Come with me to the local Public House for some small talk about what has been on my mind.
Yes, I have been silent for a few weeks now, and for that, I apologize. For the rest of this post, however, there are no sorries.
Since I began knitting "seriously" (as it means to me, at least), a little over a year ago, the act and the community have brought me nothing but joy, solace, relaxation. Lately this has not been the case. Not for any specific reason, it simply just has not been my schtick.
Perhaps I tried to formalize Hops and Hanks too soon, perhaps I put too much on my plate at the wrong time, perhaps Uranus crossed over some constellation that an Astrologer would tell you affects my leisure time. Who knows? It's not the why that I am concerned about right now, it's the what.
And the what, recently, has been that I have been severely depressed since the new year. Knitting has not been able to pull me out like it usually does, socializing has not been my cuppa, even exercise, yoga, biking, has failed to bring my brain up out of the gutter. So I've had to take care of myself and, unfortunately, that has meant abandoning Hops and Hanks for a little while.
If you've never experienced the feeling of something that you love and adore suddenly inciting in you an intense anxiety, count yourself among the lucky few. I have not signed onto Ravelry in weeks because of a feeling of intense guilt about what I will find there. Which, I know intuitively will be nothing negative, but in the battle between logic and anxiety... well, I was going to make a David and Goliath analogy but I couldn't make it work. Basically, I know that the anxiety is illogical and silly, it just takes a while to be able to do something about it.
Not one of any of you have made me feel this way - all of these thoughts are internal. Perhaps it has to do with the gloomy weather of late, and to be honest, I hope that is it because the sun is slowly beginning to poke her head over the horizon earlier and earlier and maybe, just maybe it will start to get better.
Now that I've gotten all of that off my chest I will be able to participate on the Ravelry forums with much less anxiety. I doubt there will be an episode of the podcast for a few weeks, but maybe I'll record a little minisode explaining this through that medium. Perhaps there will be blog posts, I cannot predict.
For a hot second there I think I turned Hops and Hanks into something bigger than I ever meant it to be in my mind. But I now remember that this is a blog I started for myself, to give me an outlet for a passion. And I must keep in mind that passions wax and wane and that it is OK that I am in a slump.
The Charity KAL is still going strong! At the very least I will record the drawing of the prizes when that time comes.
Thank y'all for bearing with me during the slump, I love every single one of you.